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American Girlfriend

Fuckbook

A married man was visiting his "girlfriend" when she requested that he shave his beard.
"Oh James, I like your beard, but I would really love to see your handsome face."
James replied, "My wife loves this beard, I couldn't possibly do it, she would kill me!!"
"Oh please?" the girlfriend asked again, in a sexy little voice...
"Oh really, I can't," he replies..."My wife loves this beard!!"

The girlfriend asked once more, and he sighs and finally gives in. That night James crawls
into bed with his wife while she was sleeping.
The wife is awakened somewhat, feels his face and replies "Oh Michael, you shouldn't be here, my husband will be home soon!"

Does The New One Works?

‎"Awesome Answers :
.
.
1- Principal: Are You Chewing Gum?
Student: No, I'm Human Being..!!

.
2- Wife: We Are Having Mother For Dinner
Tonight.
Husband: But Darling, I'm Vegetarian..!!
How Can I Eat Her??
.
3- Will These Stairs Take Me To The 2nd
Floor?
No, You'll Have To Walk As Well..!!
.
4- Girl: I Have Changed My Mind..!!
Boy: Thank God, But Does The New One
Works? ;) x) :P :D"

https://www.facebook.com/funinventors

Ten Dollars Are Ten Dollars

Joke of the day


Stumpy and his wife Martha went to the State Fair every year. Every year Stumpy would say, "Martha, I'd like to ride in that airplane." And every year Martha would say, "I know, Stumpy, but that airplane ride costs ten dollars, and ten dollars is ten dollars."

This one year Stumpy and Martha went to the fair and Stumpy said, "Martha, I'm 71 years old. If I don't ride that airplane this year I may never get another chance."

Martha replied, "Stumpy, that airplane ride costs ten dollars, and ten dollars is ten dollars."

The pilot overheard them and said, "Folks, I'll make you a deal. I'll take you both up for a ride. If you can stay quiet for the entire ride and not say one word, I won't charge you, but if you say one word it's ten dollars."

Stumpy and Martha agreed and up they go. The pilot does all kinds of twists and turns, rolls and dives, but not a word is heard. He does all his tricks over again, but still not a word.

They land and the pilot turns to Stumpy, "By golly, I did everything I could think of to get you to yell out, but you didn't."

Stumpy replied, "Well, I was gonna say something when Martha fell out, but ten dollars is ten dollars."

~Lobo

https://www.facebook.com/pages/Love-Appreciation-Page-Join-for-an-amazing-experience/198683413482087

Don't Lie To Your Mother

John invited his mother over for dinner. During the meal, his mother couldn't help noticing how beautiful John's roommate was. She had long been suspicious of a relationship between John and his roommate, and this only made her more curious.

Over the course of the evening, while watching the two interact, she started to wonder if there was more between John and the roommate than met the eye. Reading his mom's thoughts, John volunteered, "I know what you must be thinking, but I assure you, Julie and I are just roommates."

About a week later, Julie came to John and said, "Ever since your mother came to dinner, I've been unable to find the beautiful silver gravy ladle. You don't suppose she took it, do you?" John said, "Well, I doubt it, but I'll write her a letter just to be sure."

So he sat down and wrote "Dear Mother, I'm not saying you did take a gravy ladle from my house, and I'm not saying you did not take a gravy ladle. But the fact remains that one has been missing ever since you were here for dinner."

Several days later, John received a letter from his mother which read: "Dear Son, I'm not saying that you do sleep with Julie, and I'm not saying that you do not sleep with Julie. But the fact remains that if she was sleeping in her own bed, she would have found the gravy ladle by now. Love, Mom."

Lesson of the day...Don't Lie To Your Mother.

https://www.facebook.com/funinventors

Always Keep Your Condoms In Your Car

I was a very happy man. My wonderful girlfriend and I had been dating for over a year, and so we decided to get married. There was only one little thing bothering me—it was her beautiful younger sister.

My prospective sister-in-law was twenty-two, wore very tight miniskirts, and generally was bra-less. She would regularly bend down when she was near me, and I always got more than a nice view. It had to be deliberate. Because she never did it when she was near anyone else.

One day her “little” sister called and asked me to come over to check the wedding invitations. She was alone when I arrived, and she whispered to me that she had feelings and desires for me that she couldn't overcome. She told me that she wanted me just once before I got married and committed my life to her sister. Well, I was in total shock, and couldn't say a word.

...
She said, “I’m going upstairs to my bedroom, and if you want one last wild fling, just come up and get me.”

I was stunned and frozen in shock as I watched her go up the stairs. I stood there for a moment, then turned and made a beeline straight to the front door.

I opened the door, and headed straight towards my car. Lo and behold, my entire future family was standing outside, all clapping!

With tears in his eyes, my father-in-law hugged me and said, “We are very happy that you have passed our little test. We couldn't ask for a better man for our daughter. Welcome to the family.”

And the moral of this story is: Always keep your condoms in your car.

https://www.facebook.com/Fucqbook

The Conspiracy Archives

Everybody needs to watch this ASAP! This video will be deleted soon, I've seen three link which were 'unavailable', plus this episode was supposed to air tonight at 9pm, but TruTV moved it to Monday at 11pm for some odd reason...

This HAS to be watched!!

Jesse and his 'conspiracy team' (lol), investigate underground cities in the Ozarks. The city they drive into is INCREDIBLY HUGE.

they literally go to this place called the Huff House which is situated above a HUGE underground city in the middle of a Hillbilly town....

Then they follow a car into and drive around for MILES into this city, plus you can see tons of branches going off of the main one...its freaky as hell. It's definitely real and a place to survive whatever the future brings!

We gotta learn about this soon and quick!

plus that the Huff House was funded by private billionaires...not the government...and the construction is secret and ongoing...seroiusly watch this!! its scary!

http://youtu.be/aGbi2LHLv18

ekim

https://www.facebook.com/TheConspiracyArchives

The Fuckbook of Facebook

A few months after johny's parents were divorced, Johny saw his mom rubbing her body and moaning,

"I need a man, I need a man!" Over the next couple of months,he saw the same
thing. One day, he came home from school and heard her moaning.

...When he peeked , he saw a man on top of her. Johnny ran into his room, took off his clothes, threw himself on his bed, and started moaning, "Ohh, I need a bike! I need a
bike!"

American Women

An English professor wrote the words:

“A woman without her man is nothing”

on the blackboard and asked his students to punctuate it correctly...

All of the males in the class wrote:

“A woman, without her man, is nothing.”

All the females in the class wrote:

“A woman: without her, man is nothing.”

Punctuation is powerful!!

American Horse Race

Joke of the day

Wife: I found a paper in your pocket with the name Jenny on it.

Husband: I took part in a race last week and Jenny was the name of my horse.

Wife: Sorry..!

Next day wife hit him with the frying pan again Husband: What now..?

Wife: Your horse is on the Phone.

~Lobo

Old Classex

Fuckbook

OLD CLASSIC
A man escapes from prison where he has been for 15 years. He breaks into a house to look for money and guns and finds a young couple in bed.

He orders the guy out of bed and ties him to a chair, while tying the girl to the bed he gets on top of her, kisses her neck, then gets up and goes into the bathroom. While he's in there, the husband tells his wife:

"Listen, this guy's an escaped convict, look at his clothes! He probably spent lots of time in jail and hasn't seen a woman in years. I saw how he kissed your neck." If he wants sex, don't resist, don't complain, do whatever he tells you. Satisfy him no matter how much he nauseates you. This guy is probably very dangerous. If he gets angry, he'll kill us. Be strong, honey. I love you."

To which his wife responds: "He wasn't kissing my neck. He wwas whispering in my ear. He told me he was gay, thought you were cute, and asked me if we had any vaseline. I told him it was in the bathroom. Be strong honey. I 

love you too!!"

The Meaning of the American Word Fuck Off

When I was working for an American Company in Cairo I used to hear this word too many times. I had in mind one meaning for this word : Fuck means having sex, that is all. I watch American series and movies and I hear this word : Fuck,  but actually I did not see any one fuck any one. I looked this word up in Google Translation but the meaning still : having sex. So what the Americans mean by this word: Fuck?.

Sometimes I hear this word with another word like : Fuck Off, that made it so difficult the meaning of this word. Until one day my boss asked me to type a check for $6000.00 because the employee who supposed to type checks was absent. I put the blank check in the typewriter machine and started to type the figure in numbers: 6000.00 and of course in letters too.

 I hurried to my boss to sign the check. When he saw the check he burst into laughter as a crazy man. I stood wordless did not know what to do and I don't know what makes him laugh in this way. He kept laughing and laughing and after he stopped laughing he pointed at the check and asked me to read the letters: I read : Sex thousand American dollars.

In this point he grimed and shouted at me: YOUR FUCKED Off. I thought he means I am Good typist but unfortunately he meant I am fired. In this minute I knew one of the meanings of the word FUCK.

 If You my dear reader know more meanings for this word please leave a comment please,

Thank you in advance.

An American Wife !

JOKE OF THE DAY

Wife takes seriously ill husband to doctor

Doc 2 wife: Give him healthy breakfast daily...

Be pleasant & in good mood.

Cook tasty dinner & don't discuss your problems with him.

Stop watching tv serials.

Don't demand new clothes

If u do dis for one year, ur husband will be OK.

On way home,husband asks wife-what did doctor say?

Wife- Dr. says you will die very soon.

Dead American Duck

DEAD DUCK

A woman brought a very limp duck into a veterinary surgeon. As she laid her pet on the table, the vet pulled out his stethoscope and listened to the bird's chest. 

After a moment or two, the vet shook his head and sadly said, "I'm sorry, your duck, Cuddles, has passed away." 

The distressed woman wailed, "Are you sure?" 

"Yes, I am sure. Your duck is dead," replied the vet.. 

"How can you be so sure?" she protested. "I mean you haven't done any testing on him or anything. He might just be in a coma or something." 

The vet rolled his eyes, turned around and left the room. He returned a few minutes later with a black Labrador Retriever. As the duck's owner looked on in amazement, the dog stood on his hind legs, put his front paws on the examination table and sniffed the duck from top to bottom. He then looked up at the vet with sad eyes and 
shook his head. 

The vet patted the dog on the head and took it out of the room. A few minutes later he returned with a cat. The cat jumped on the table and also delicately sniffed the bird from head to foot. The cat sat back on its haunches, shook its head, meowed softly and strolled out of the room. 

The vet looked at the woman and said, "I'm sorry, but as I said, this is most 
definitely, 100% certifiably, a dead duck." 

The vet turned to his computer terminal, hit a few keys and produced a bill, which he handed to the woman..

The duck's owner, still in shock, took the bill. "$150!" she cried, "$150 just to tell me my duck is dead!"

The vet shrugged, "I'm sorry. If you had just taken my word for it, the bill would have been $20, but with the Lab Report and the Cat Scan, it's now $150."

copied from the facebook page of Mr. 
Rodney Sweeney

Studied at University of MarylandLives in Charles City, VirginiaFrom Clintwood, Virginia